


Reminiscence

by KatiesRambles (LannaKate)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders, Memories, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Unhappy Ending, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29093091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannaKate/pseuds/KatiesRambles
Summary: A Sirius/Remus one-shot.As Sirius Black passes through the veil, Remus Lupin reminisces on their life together.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Reminiscence

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Major character death; Allusion to abuse

_ He wasn’t gone. _

Remus clutched on to Harry as he lurched towards the veil, pulling him close to his chest. Harry was straining, trying to run, mouth open in an agonising scream. It was all Remus could hear, the sound of screams rattling his brain, crushing his heart in a tight fist of grief. He dug his fingers into the fabric of Harry’s jacket, which pulled back slightly as Harry struggled to free himself from Remus’ grip. Under the jacket was a scarlet top, one he had seen many times before on another boy. Instinctively Remus let go, reeling back from Harry as if he had been burned. He could feel his chest heaving with every breath he took, and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep all the anguish in. His legs buckled and Remus squeezed his eyes shut.

_ He couldn’t be gone. _

Someone was laughing, a warm, barking laugh full of life and mirth. Remus’ eyes flew open, and there he was. Sirius Black in all of his glory, legs tossed over the arm of the chair, arm draped over the back, with that arrogant grace he wore so well. Then Remus saw it, that scarlet shirt paired with Sirius’ favourite dark pyjama bottoms. The amount of arguments they used to have over that shirt.

“Oh come on Moony, you didn’t seem to be complaining when I let you take it off the other day.”

Heart racing, Remus spun around finding himself in their old dormitory. Sirius was leaning against his bedposts, the same top draped over his shoulder. Remus swallowed, trying to train his eyes on his friend’s face.

“That’s different,” he rasped. He knew how this scene played out, it was the last time they’d argued over that shirt. “It’s not fair on the others, you can’t just parade around half-naked in the common room.”

Sirius smirked and straightened up, “We both know that’s not the real reason.” Slowly, purposefully, Sirius approached Remus until they were face to face.

Remus shut his eyes, feeling the breath on his ear as Sirius spoke again, “Never took you as the jealous type.”

He waited for what would come next, but opened his eyes when it never came. Bright sunshine streamed through the windows as a crowd of students left the Great Hall in search of freedom. A flash of gold caught his eye; James.

“D’you think you managed to get all the signs?”

Remus fell into line with the three boys, allowing himself to smile at the memory, “Think I did,” he put up a hand and counted his fingers, “One: He’s sitting in my chair. Two: He’s wearing my clothes. Three: His name is Remus Lupin.”

They all laughed, heading for the small cluster of trees beside the Black Lake. The sun was warm on his skin, it felt so real, but not as real as the next sensation. Sirius had gently slipped his hand next to Remus’, entwining their fingers together. His heart skipped a beat, and he slowly turned to face Sirius, trying to keep up with his pace. Staring back at him were those stormy, grey eyes he could never get enough of. Sirius smiled and winked.

Suddenly they were feet apart, and Remus was watching James and Lily at the altar. He’d caught Sirius’ eyes during the preamble, where he’d winked before turning back to his best friends. They were all so happy.

Lily looked beautiful, she wore a long white satin gown with billowing lace bell sleeves. Her hair was worn pinned loosely at the back, a veil tucked in and adorned with forget-me-nots. James looked like he was in a waking dream, never taking his eyes off of his soon-to-be-wife, hands bound to hers with a pale blue ribbon.

“Do you Lily Jane Evans, take James Henry Potter to be your husband, bonded with magic for life?”

“I do.”

The room was dark and cold. The curtains were drawn and a single candle sat on a table in the corner. At first, Remus thought he was alone, but then Sirius barged through the front door, running his hands through his hair.

“Never put yourself in that kind of danger again! You hear me?”

Sirius wasn’t shouting, instead his voice was quiet and low, a far better indicator for his anger. His eyes held a haunted look, red and puffy, he’d been crying.

“Pads, I—”

“No, Re. Don’t you get it?” Sirius stalked across the room and slumped on a wooden chair which wobbled with the force. “I could have lost you! You-Know-Who is after my best friend, his wife and son, and you—” His voice cracked, “—you went out there risking your life for some barmy old codger, and knowing that I would object with you gallivanting around with werewolves, left me in the middle of the night.”

Remus looked down in shame, wringing his hands.

Sirius continued, “How do you think it felt to wake up in a cold bed? How do you think it felt when I realised that I might never see you again?”

“I didn’t think anyone would care…” Remus mumbled, caving in under the weight of all the guilt.

“I do!” Sirius’ yell rattled the windows as he stood up, chair toppling underneath him. He was shaking now as he approached Remus, grabbing either side of his face and tilting his head up. “I care…”

Their lips touched and Remus was fifteen again. Snow flurried gently around them as Sirius kissed him, pressed up against a building in a back alley of Hogsmeade. It hadn’t meant to happen like that, but as they were kissing, Remus couldn’t imagine it happening any other way. Just five minutes ago Sirius was asking him what he wanted for Christmas, and without thinking, Remus had blurted out ‘you’. Sirius hadn’t even said anything as he dragged Remus down a few alleyways before pinning him up against the wall. 

“You can have me, if I can have you,” Sirius’ voice was husky as he leant his forehead against Remus’ noses brushing.

Remus opened his eyes and brushed Sirius’ hair out of his eyes.

They were in Grimmauld Place now, sitting on Sirius’ old bed. All of a sudden the nerves and the gravity of the situation came back to Remus all at once. He took a deep breath, held it for a bit too long and let it out slowly. Sirius leaned back and looked him in the eyes.

“Re, what’s up?”

“I—”, breathe Remus, just breathe, “I wanted to be first at starting something this time.”

Sirius threw his head back in a hearty laugh, “Remus, love, you’ve initiated plenty of things.”

Remus blushed and shook his head, “No, no that’s not what I meant.”

Fumbling for a moment, Remus leaned over to the bedside table, opened it and closed it again. Sirius was confused, eyes bright and darting across Remus’ face, looking for any signs that would give away what he meant.

“Sirius… I know things have not been easy for us. Even from the very beginning, our very society was against us. Telling us we were wrong and unnatural, some people still do. Then we were caught up in a war, people died and we lost our own. I blamed you then, and I wish I would have stopped and listened to my heart. Then suddenly you were back in my life, and all the things I tried so hard to forget came back. Your smile,” Remus touched Sirius’ lips softly with his fingers, “your eyes,” he tucked away a lock of hair, “your love.”

“Re—”

“Please, Sirius, let me finish this.” Remus took a breath, “I’ve wanted to do this for years. James beat me there first though, the bugger. Suddenly things were so chaotic and I thought that it would be best to wait until the war was over…” Tears were in both of their eyes at this point, and when Remus pulled out a small box, Sirius let out a small sob, “I’ve had this for sixteen years, and I can’t wait any more. Sirius, would you make an honest man out of me?”

Sirius let out a soft laugh, “Of course, love. Of course I will.”

Footsteps echoed on flagstone as James Potter dragged Remus down his upstairs landing.

“I’m sorry, Moony. I didn’t know who to call, mum and dad are away, and I can’t take him to St Mungo's… You’re the best wizard I know, can you help him?” 

Remus looked down at his friend; James looked exhausted and his hair was more appalling than usual, “Of course, I’ll do anything I can.”

With a nod, James pushed open the door to the spare room; Remus gagged at the smell of iron as he entered. The Potter elf was carefully dabbing at a pale, dark-haired boy lying in the bed. For a moment, Remus thought he was dead.

“What did they do to him!?” Remus cried, running to his friend's side, he thought he had steeled himself enough for this, but he was wrong.

“I don’t know,” James whispered, “I heard a thud downstairs, thought it was mum and dad back early. I went down and he was lying there in front of the fireplace, somehow he’d managed to floo here.”

Quickly Remus ran a diagnostic spell, he wasn’t skilled at healing magic, but he’d learned enough to keep his friends safe and fix them up without drawing the attention of the Hogwarts staff, especially when pranks were involved.

“I think… I think it’s a bad concussion. He’s got a broken arm too, and a lot of deep cuts and bruises, but I think he’ll be okay.”

With assistance from James and Berta, the house-elf, Remus was finally satisfied that he’d done enough for his friend. Wiping his brow he perched on the edge of the bed, looking at his friend. He had helped him as much as he knew how, it was the least he deserved for everything he’d done for him.

Remus looked up as Sirius, James and Peter slipped through the curtains around his bed. It had been a rough transformation, and Madame Pomfrey had set him up a bed while the bones in his arm were mended. 

“We need to talk, Remus.”

James spoke, casting a silencing charm around them, before sitting on the chair next to his bed. Peter stood by the curtains and Sirius sat on the end of the bed, they all had grave faces.

“We know.”

With those two words, Remus’ life flipped upside down. This was the moment he’d been dreading since he became friends with the three boys. Tears filled his eyes as he curled up into a ball.

“I understand. I understand why you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, I’m a monster.”

“What?” Sirius exclaimed, “No, no, no. Remus, you’ve got it all wrong. We don’t care that you’re a werewolf!”

James nodded, “Sirius is right, we don’t care about that. What we do care about, however, is that you didn’t tell us.”

“I— I don’t understand. You’re not scared of me? You’re not going to leave?”

“Of course not!” James responded, “We’ll never leave you, Remus, you’re stuck with us now.”

That was a lie. 

Remus stood with his hands on the gate leading to the Potter cottage, the house was in ruins. A large hole had blown out the wall where Harry’s nursery had once been, caused by the spell damage of Voldermort’s ricocheted curse. In a week he had lost James and Lily, Peter and… Sirius. Sirius, the man he loved, had murdered his three best friends and left his own godson an orphan. Now he was locked up in Azkaban, and Remus was the last marauder left. 

Wrapped in grief, Remus sunk to the floor, head resting on the wooden slats of the gate and cried. He cried for Lily, his best friend and confidant. He cried for James, who had shown him friendship and belonging. He cried for Peter, who had been brave up to his last stand. He cried for Sirius, who had loved him and cared for him in a way that no one else ever would. Finally, Remus Lupin cried for himself.

A sickeningly familiar cold gripped his bones, as Remus realised where he was. Sirius hadn’t betrayed James and Lily. Sirius had come back. Sirius loved him. 

Sirius was gone.

_ He was gone. _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> I needed a break from my current book I'm working on and wrote this one-shot for a change in pace. If you like my work then keep your eyes peeled, as I'm hoping to start posting a multi-chapter Dean/Seamus fic. Feel free to leave a comment letting me know what you think.  
> ~Katie~


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